Magazine


TV: The week ahead

by Chris Osuh
31/ 3/2005

REALITY TV is in some respects, an evil genre. But it also serves a very interesting purpose, that of giving washed-up celebrities and tabloid cads a second chance - as long as they endear themselves to we, the public, by degrading themselves and most importantly, proving they're not a quitter.

The rehabilitation of former royal butler Paul Burrell must surely be the benchmark for any down-on-their-luck celeb that craves another shot at the big time.

After his maggot-munching appearance on I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here Burrell was no longer regarded as a comedy-chinned royal turncoat suspected of hoarding Diana's old mascara brushes, but as a delightfully camp, thoroughly decent chap with an impressive knowledge of show tunes and a plucky heart.

Given the success of this formula, it would be nice to see the ever-unpopular Peter Mandelson, much-maligned lotto lout Mickey Carroll, John Leslie and the oddball who plays Michael Jackson in Sky's court reconstructions trapped in a cave with weapons but no food. Whoever makes it out alive wins Britain's love and sees the contracts flow in.

Until a production team wakes up to the untold potential of Metro News' new reality TV concept, we have to make do with Hit Me Baby One More Time (Sat ITV1), a talent show featuring Gloria Gaynor, Howard Jones, Limahl of Kajagoogoo, The Honeyz and Tiffany singing for their suppers.

Shortly after Hit Me Baby's results, we have Celebrity Stars in Their Eyes (Sat ITV1), which boasts professional bird Nell McAndrew, Jade Goody's ex Jeff Brazier, Bad Girls star Victoria Bush, actress Vickie "don't know who she is" Gates, and wait for it, Hampstead-born hillbilly ringmaster Jerry Springer, singing Elvis's "I Can't Help Falling In Love With You". Fantastic.

Staying with trash, Footballer Wives (Thurs ITV1) is back with its cheap sets and grubby cast. This show is generally quite stupid, but has excelled with its portrayal of young footballer's wife Shannon, who has mirrored Colleen McLoughlin's metamorphosis from Catholic schoolgirl to Harvey Nichols' favourite person excellently. This week Tanya looks for a new nanny, bizarre plot unfolds.

There are also a couple of weddings on telly. In the Southern corner we have Charles and Camilla's "town hall" wedding, (Fri BBC1) which half the country will be watching even if the Queen isn't, and in the Northern corner we have Ken and Deirdre's Coronation Street nuptials (Fri ITV2), which I bet Her Majesty wouldn't miss for owt.


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